Halloween ended up being a quiet night. I didn’t run out of candy and I made a delicious pot of chili which means I don’t need to cook tonight. I drifted in and out of sleep waiting for my daughter to get home from a friend’s house. It was about 11:00 when I decided to go to bed.
I set my alarm, snuggled under the covers and promptly fell asleep. That is until a voice woke me up. It wasn’t my daughter’s voice and my husband is out-of-town. However, it was clearly a man’s voice.
And it’s not so much that a voice woke me or it’s possible gender. It’s what the voice said.
“Why are you afraid when you know I won’t let you fall?”
I looked at the clock. It was 12:11.
I repeated what I heard in my head. Why are you afraid when you know I won’t let you fall?
I didn’t go to bed worried or concerned about anything. Admittedly, I have had a few sleepless nights since I moved my mother into the assisted living community. But last night I was relaxed and sleepy and happy.
In fear of sounding like I’m nuts, I’ve heard this voice before, but only a few times. Oddly, once was when I clearly heard the name for this blog. But I digress.
My first thought was that I wasn’t afraid of anything at the moment and who are you to care? But I also felt very safe and protected by the voice and began to wonder what fear it was referring to as I fell back to sleep.
I was kind of hoping that a dream would clarify what fear was holding me back, a subconscious inspired AHA moment. Instead I dreamed about redecorating the home of a friend who had decided to paint her master bedroom in shiny, metallic gold. Whatever.
When my alarm went off at 6:30 this morning I still remembered the message, “why are you afraid when you know I won’t let you fall?”
I reminded myself that an unembodied voice delivering a message of protection was kind of a big deal. I also reminded myself that I recently wrote about hearing the voice of God. AND that I’ve been watching a series of videos by Wayne Dyer on writing from your soul.
See, guys, I have a dream.
Actually, I have a mission. I’ve been holding a book in my heart for years now and I’m inching my way closer to actually writing it. I know this book needs to be birthed and I know that I’m the one being called to write it. But the self-doubt monkey keeps throwing its monkey poop on my confidence.
Hence the self-imposed 30 day writing challenge and the super “you can do this” inspirational Wayne Dyer videos.
And the voice.
I’m not afraid of the critics. Criticism is inevitable.
I’m not afraid of it being a flop because I’m not writing it for fame or fortune. I’m just the channel that this book chose.
I’m afraid of getting the message wrong, of not being able to share the lesson in an inspiring and engaging way. And so I keep getting weighed down by self-doubt and self-criticism.
But I guess God, the Universe, Jesus, (whatever you want to call It with a capital “I”) felt it necessary to wake me from a peaceful slumber to make its point.
And I heard it. God has my back.
Now just write the damn book.