Sometimes I arrive to this empty WordPress space inspired and ready to share a message. Sometimes I am overcome with emotion and need a place to let those pesky feelings vent. Sometimes it is a platform to convince myself that I’m okay, that everything will be okay and give myself a sort of “cyber” pep talk. I can’t believe that I am alone in my occasional need for my own personal cheer leading squad.
Today I find myself once again needing encouragement. Well, Goddess Arriving followers, my feelings won’t be hurt if you stop here and skip to the next blog post in your reader. But the way I see it, it’s my blog, my white space, and today I want to talk about something personal. Hopefully you will pull out your pom-poms and get your cheerleader on.
It has been 28 years since I graduated college and on Monday I will start a new adventure as I begin graduate school. I should be excited. I should be pumped to challenge my brain and spread my wings. I’ve always loved learning. I’ve always wanted to go to grad school…but once again, in typical Susan fashion, I allow my insecurities and old negative playlists to run rampant in my head. Ugh…time to give myself the mental pep talk:
“You are a bright, educated woman with a fairly decent vocabulary. You can write poetry as well as research papers. You know how to take notes and make an outline (thank you Ms. Galuzzi, St. Scholastica Academy 1980) and you are able to articulate your thoughts.”
Whoa, wait a minute…who do you think you are? You used be able to do those things. That was 28 years ago! For the past 20 years your skill set has included changing diapers, catching vomit, and rote reciting Barney board books. You think this is like riding a bicycle? No way Jose’…what have you gotten yourself into? Is it too late to get a refund on your tuition?
“You are a strong, confident woman. You are the only person who stands in the way of achieving this goal. Don’t let fear and negativity take up residence in your head.”
Take up residence? Hahaha…you talk like I have a short-term lease here. Can you remember a time I wasn’t in your head? Shall we reminisce about your childhood? I’ve got better things to do.
“YOU CAN DO THIS!! You will walk into that classroom at 8:00 am (God, help me), assignment book in hand, head held high, smile beaming, and even though you might have shaky knees and perpetual nausea…THIS TOO SHALL PASS!
I’m keenly aware that I have to tackle my negative “demons” and “unworthy” playlists every day. Every morning I have to make the choice to do battle with my fears and loud negative self-talk. I get tired of going into battle alone. I crave ridiculous amounts of validation and question my strengths even though I know I have the spiritual muscle to come out winning.
And just as I am finishing up this post, the Universe stepped in to calm my nerves and give me the validation and encouragement I am seeking. It appeared in another bloggers post, Long and Luxe,
a poem entitled BEGIN…just to show you that our angels come in many forms. Thank you Allison!!
Praying for confidence,